I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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