What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
