so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
