I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
