I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
