My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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