so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
