No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
