she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
