If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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