i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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