oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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