Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
