You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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