Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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