so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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