Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
