I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
