I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
