Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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