Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
