i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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