i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
