he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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