He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
