Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm always down for nudity.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
