I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
