The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
