ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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