It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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