hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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