Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
