..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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