She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
