Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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