Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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