OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
