You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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