JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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