I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
