Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
