i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
