so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
