mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
