she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
