did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
