apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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