There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
