Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
