Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
