Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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