I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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