i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
