I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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