I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
this hospital has no fireball
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
