So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
