Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
