I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize