He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We had to coat check the pizza.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize