Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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