Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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