i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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