8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
love makes seman taste better
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
