Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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