If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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