Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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