is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
