and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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