Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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