tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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